Terrible online dating profiles

Make up your mind, weird internet lady. Then why even share a photo at all? Jersey Shore is your favorite what? I don't know if I even want to know the answer to that. She wants a rich guy who can travel, has a nice car and can give her a bigger closet and take her shopping, but materialistic individuals disgust her. Make up your mind, you little weirdo! Hey, newsflash, bad grammar is a turn off for a lot of people, including those who might be reading your profile and laughing out loud.

This is a guy who is turned off by bad grammar, yet writes "arbys" and "lookin" and forgets spaces after commas. Okay, now that we got that out of the way, I can continue saying this: First of all, you can't judge a woman by their lady parts — I can't believe I actually had to type that. Big, small, flappy or not-so-flappy — these physical traits aren't exactly slut-related.

4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever

Also, wow, don't go around calling women sluts. But hey, at least you LOL'ed, so either you were joking — terrible joke — or you weren't joking and you're just the biggest jerk ever. FYI, nobody wants to be clingy with a guy who smokes cigarettes. But hey, as long as you're willing to quit As I hope that this profile is nothing but a joke, I'm gonna analyze it exactly like that. You might wanna rethink your advertising strategy, FarmersOnly.

That reference to watching The Walking Dead and belonging on the website because they spent a lot of time on a farm is a stroke of geniality. He also played Farmville — at least twice — so he definitely knows that you need a cow to make milk. Before selfies were a thing, people were actually ashamed of having no one to take their picture, so they would often try to hide it as well as possible — just like this lady right here.

They'd take the picture from the side and turn their head on a different direction, to throw the viewer off. I'm pretty sure no one ever believed that, but hey, it never killed anyone to try. So, aside from the fact that this girl had no one to take her photo — which would've been perfectly fine, had she not tried to hide it as much — the next thing that jumps to my attention is how badly written is her "About Me" message.

Granted, she is an Eastern European, so probably English is, at the very least, her second language. Or maybe she was using Google Translate, which isn't really known for being a particularly good translator. If that wasn't weird enough, just take a look at the last two lines: The same if you are into the drugs or necro- whatever it is scarry man.

From his first paragraph, you'd think that this guy was either a consolidated rapper, a poet or Lin-Manuel Miranda himself side note, I just saw him on an old How I Met Your Mother episode that is pure genius, you better get on Netflix and watch that after you're done reading this. But, plot twist, he was none of the above. Also, Muir apparently rhymes with clear and leer, so now you know something new. Oh, and by the way, remember how I said this guy was not a rapper, a poet or Lin-Manuel Miranda? Yeah, he's Alex Muir, a scientist at Berkeley.

Actual examples of women's good and bad online dating profiles!

The "About Me" section of this person's profile is nothing short of hilarious. To begin with, this is the most honest person I've ever seen. They start by casually mentioning that they spend most of their spare time watching Murdoch Mysteries in their underwear. Then they throw in the fact that they can eat 3 medium pizzas all by themselves — an accomplishment not many can brag about.

They use the word "retarded," which, as you probably know, is a derogatory word that should never be used under any circumstance never, ever. They continue to mention how they love beating women and murdering cats, then eating deep fried kitten fat. While this might all be a joke — hopefully, anyway — nobody should joke about beating women and murdering cats.

Unless you are Donald Trump because, you know, celebrities get to do that. That is a warning. His attempt at humor points out that he hit his victims.

The ball is in our court with this one, ladies. I suggest taking that ball and running for the nearest exit as fast as you can. Again, you have been warned! What more do we need to know, Apples? What more do we need to know? What are your hobbies?

What is your career? Do you like long walks on the beach? The cute, freckled, girl-next-door look is ruined by two things. First, calling your parents names is a no-no.

The Profile

That screams of family issues and that can get your profile overlooked faster than promising to not murder your dates which you think would be a good thing or promising to save their souls see both examples above. Putting an apple in your mouth is reminiscent of the succulent roasted pig appreciated at cookouts, and honey, you deserve so much more than that comparison. Clearly, you are cute and have a sense of humor, so show your true self. A couple of years ago, a story floated around the Internet about a woman that set up a profile just so she could eat at fancy restaurants and have her date pick up the tab.

Stories also abound about men that date beautiful women, but turn out to be nothing but dine-and-dashers, leaving their date with nothing but disgust and a huge restaurant tab.

Are these the worst online dating profiles ever?

Rachel is not this type of girl. Inexplicably , Conspiracy Man went for most of his life without the carnal knowledge of a member of the opposite gender.

It can be tough to find a mate when most of what you believe flies in the face of generally accepted, scientifically proven, peer-reviewed, facts. Very much out there. How will this date take place? Here we have a prime example of what NOT to do when setting up your profile. If you are on an online dating site, you are already sending a very clear message that you are in the market for a girlfriend or boyfriend. Lonely Eric seems to have missed this point and has completely overstepped the line between looking for a date and looking like a dude that is going to cling to you like superglue.

Begging for a date is never a good idea and his profile gives zero hints about his personality, likes and hobbies. The desperation in this profile is sad. Take some photos of yourself doing the things you love, like playing fetch with your cute puppy. Well, what have we here? Oh, be still my beating heart! Of course it could! By Femail Reporter For Mailonline. From picking a flattering photo to coming up with a witty bio, online dating can be a veritable minefield.

But it seems some singletons are so desperate to make an impression, they've gone to extreme lengths to make their profiles stand out - whatever the cost. The following profiles, spotted on OKCupid, feature people who have donned fancy dress, enlisted elaborate props and made bold claims, all in the pursuit of romance. From a Buzz Lightyear costume to boasting about a 'ninja sword', they are proof that some people will stop at nothing to get a date. Well at least he's honest! This man claimed he was good at 'nothing' while donning a costume.

This 'slashfic erotica' enthusiast calls himself a 'knight in shining armour' but promptly rules out 'fatties' from contacting him OK Cupid. This student appeared more concerned about getting an iPhone 5 than a boyfriend. This man allegedly boasted that he'd looked into getting a penis reduction.

This man made quite the claim about his Friday night activity when filling in his profile. One singleton didn't hold back when it came to saying what he liked in the bedroom. That's one way to attract attention! One singleton hope her bodily quirk would attract a date.

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This man claimed to have eaten 'the skin off the bottom of a guy's foot'. Rather sweetly, this man spoke more about his friends than himself. If you want to find out more about this man, you'll have to ask an intelligence agency it seems. Is that an innuendo? One man boasted about his prized 'ninja sword' in his profile. Well, at least he's honest! This man is sure ladies will fall for his hat and his motorbike.


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F for spelling but A for honesty: This man wasn't shamed to admit he was a virgin until recently. This man couldn't hide his fear that he would end up perpetually single.